Bible, Family, Handling Difficulties, Thanksgiving, Transformation, Your Past

I Can See, Hear, Smell, and Taste …

March 21, 2016March 21, 2024

This week marks the 30th anniversary of the deaths of my big brother Paul and nephew ‘Lil Tim. Rarely a day goes by that I do not think about both of them.

I shared my memories of that night and the next morning after the accident with my family and some close friends last year, and have expanded those to share with you.

That Saturday is one of those events in my life where I can STILL see, hear, smell, and taste, all the things that happened around me as the event unfolded. That Saturday night is one of them. I was at a hotel in Nashville, attending a Tennessee WMU Acteens Conference where I was to lead a seminar.

Late that afternoon, as I was riding the elevator down to meet the other speakers for supper, I suddenly had an overwhelming sense that something was wrong and that I needed to talk with my mom and dad. Since this was in the days before cell phones, I went back up to my room and called home but got no answer. That wasn’t unusual, but it did add to my sense of foreboding.

I sat on my bed and prayed that whatever was on with my family, the Lord would intervene and give us strength to walk through it, and godly wisdom and sanctified common sense to make decisions. And I prayed that He would enable me to walk, trusting Him to focus upon the tasks He had laid before me to accomplish during the conference.

I went to supper and shared with the group that I had a sense of urgency to pray for my family, and they joined me in praying. I tried several more times to reach Mom or Dad at home throughout the evening. And although my restlessness grew with each unanswered call, I became more and more aware of the presence and strength of the Lord.

Late that evening, I was in my room when the phone rang. It was my mom’s brother, Uncle Bill who lived in Nashville, calling me from the lobby of the hotel. He asked me to come down to the lobby. When I heard Uncle Bill’s voice, I knew that my sense of urgency to pray had been the hand of the Lord.

As I made the trip down in the elevator, a myriad of questions flooded my mind: Why was he there? How did he know where I was? These questions were accompanied by a keen sense that something horrible had happened—someone had died.

I sat on the sofa, stunned and in disbelief, trying to process what Uncle Bill was saying as he told me what had happened. “A train hit Paul and Lil Tim. Lil Tim, dead. Paul, seriously injured, will not live. Chas, cuts and bruises but will be all right.”

I can still see the tears trickling down my Uncle’s face as he gently and lovingly answered my question, “Are you sure you got this right? This is impossible!” I remember the scent of my Uncle’s cologne and the strength of his arms as he hugged me tightly. I remember hearing his gentle whispers, “It’s okay. I love you. You’re okay.” Chicago’s “You’re the Inspiration” played in the background. I remember the smell of roses in a beautiful flower arrangement on a nearby table. I remember the taste of the salty tears I was crying. I remember seeing and hearing groups of people all around us talking animatedly.

My friends, Carol Kelley and Sheryl Churchill, and all the WMU staff, were so thoughtful and helped care for me that night. I went up to my room and called the ER waiting room to speak with my family. Paul had sustained serious injuries, including a catastrophic brain injury, yet, at that time, his heartbeat was still very strong. My nephew Lil Tim, died instantly. When the phone rang several hours later, I did not want to answer, because I knew it was my daddy calling to tell me that my big brother had also taken his last breath here on earth.

I remember a friend hugging me so tightly as I sat on the edge of the bed crying, trying make sense of it all. I remember talking to God and various Scripture passages running through my mind, mingling with the thoughts of disbelief, prayers, and yes, even anger.

Me: “God, I can’t do this.”
God: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities (weaknesses), that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)

Me: “God the weight of this burden is unbearable!”
God: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

I had a very long and restless night. I got a very early start the next morning, and went to my apartment to pack. As I chose a dress to wear for the visitation and funeral, I remember thinking that each time I wore the dress in the future, I would remember that I wore them for Paul and ‘Lil Tim’s funeral. I remember looking at the pictures on display throughout my apartment, studying the features of Paul and ‘Lil Tim’s faces as fond and bittersweet memories flooded my mind. I remember the coolness of the kitchen tile as I sat in the floor sobbing. I could hear Paul playing the guitar and singing. I could hear ‘Lil Tim’s infectious laugh.

I finally gathered everything I needed and began the trip from Nashville to Gadsden, which, although it was very familiar to me, this time it was a much-dreaded trip.

I dreaded the drive that morning because I did not want to face the reality of my brother’s and nephew’s deaths, and I did not want to be alone with my thoughts and emotions.

But guess what? I WAS NOT ALONE!

I sang hymns, and prayed, and poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father!

That day, I experienced in full the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding that will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV).

I miss my big brother Paul. He had a beautiful singing voice, played the guitar and numerous other musical instruments, wrote songs and poetry, could fix anything, had a wonderful sense of humor, lived life to the fullest, and loved his baby sister—OK, he loved his big sister and his little brother, too! Paul would be so proud of Chas, and would absolutely love being Mira’s granddaddy!

I miss ‘Lil Tim. He had a wonderful smile, he was always excited to see you and would run to you with open arms ready to be picked up and hugged, he loved to play ball with his big brother Chas and Grinnie (my mom), and run. I loved watching ‘Lil Tim and Chas play. I had them convinced that I could make the traffic lights turn red or green on command. I would say, “Light … turn … (pause)” and both the boys would start yelling “Now!” Finally, I would say, “Now!” and the light would change. I wonder what he would be like today had he lived, and think about how he would dote on his niece, Mira, just like his Uncle “Big” Tim doted on him (and Chas).

There have been numerous events in my life—before and after Paul and ‘Lil Tim’s deaths—that I can still see, hear, smell, and taste all the things happening around me as the event unfolded. The constant in each of these events? The indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit!

In John 14:25-28, Jesus says, “These things I have spoken to you while being present with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. You have heard Me say to you, ‘I am going away and coming back to you.’ If you loved Me, you would rejoice because I said, ‘I am going to the Father,’ for My Father is greater than I.”

What do you do when your world is turned upside down? Someone has said, “When your world is badly shaken, begin with what you know to be true and build from there.”

What did (and do) I know to be true? Something my friend, Dr. Bryan Chapell, said comes to mind. He said that the first theology lesson we all probably learned is: “Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.”

In the midst of these world-turned-upside-down moments, did I—and do I now—know that to be true? Absolutely!

What did I remember next?

We love Him because He first loved us (I John 4:19 NKJV). And then, God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8 ESV). And, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; (Psalm 28:7 ESV).

How do we have the strength to carry on when things seem unbearable and totally out of our control?

First of all, we must come to a saving knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, as we read in Romans 10:12-13:
For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” (NKJV)

Once we have become Christ followers what do we do?

Psalm 1:1-3 gives us an idea:
Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper. (NKJV)

Christ-followers are to be totally immersed in the Word of God, which, as the basis and preoccupation of our life bears fruit that is the result of living out (obeying) the Word of God. Some of the resultant blessings manifest as stick-to-it-iveness, steadiness, resiliency, and the ability to withstand whatever comes our way!

The job of the Comforter (Holy Spirit) is to “enlighten” darkened minds as He illuminates the Word of God in the hearts and minds of non-believers to bring them into relationship with Christ. The hearts and minds of Christ-followers are illuminated so they understand the Word of God, and are strengthened and comforted by His presence within them.

In 2 Corinthians 4:1-6 we read: For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

When I was a GA (Girls in Action), I memorized Isaiah 46:4 which has stuck with me throughout the decades as a reminder of God’s love and protection, and, it has continually helped rekindle my Hope in the midst of difficult situations:

And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you. (NKJV)

I am so grateful that the Lord has been with me BEFORE, DURING, and SINCE March 1986 and that He will be with me for eternity.